Anthony's Missed Connection

Friday, 12:30pm: m4w

I was digging through the trash on Lasalle Street behind Taco Bell, and ironically I found a Hot Dog still bunned. You were driving a sparkling clean silver Lexus. There was a man in the passenger seat who seemed to be your boyfriend by the way he was biting your earlobes. You looked up in pleasure and lost sight of where you were driving. Your car swerved and clipped my knee.

You stopped. And so did time.

You courteously rolled down your window a third of the way and asked if I was okay. I think I saw a tear roll down your cheek, but then again, it was hard to tell much as your boyfriend threw my head off the concrete wall and screamed for me to not look at your license plate or tell any officers about what had happened.

As he forced me to limp away from the scene, I looked back at you. Our eyes briefly made contact as you licked your hand, and lowered it below public view.

Was it just me or did we have something spiritual in that moment? Anyway, I still have that hot dog and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and share it?

-anthony

If you run into Brett on the street...

Smile, wink at him, give him a hard slap on the shoulder and say "tsup' chief", then when he is so pissed he can hardly think of the words to reply, just walk by and leave him (second wink optional).

-anthony

Together again...

Starbucks and I made up this morning. She took me back gracefully and lovingly and cooked me up one of her oh-so-delicious cinnamon bagels (toasted, half butter, half plain lite cream cheese). I was strong, but the moment I left her warm embrace, I will admit, I shed a single tear into my grande soy latte Kenyan blend.

-Brett


PS - when you type "majestic mermaid" into google image search, this is what you get:








Majestic, indeed, m'lady.

First Year English...

I've noticed that the majority of interactions between coworkers sound more like the practice conversations from first year language courses. I remember thinking in my beginning Spanish class how worthless, stoic and unfeeling our translated interactions were and how noone would ever talk like that in real life. It seems however, now that I have graduated to life in a worthless, stoic and unfeeling office, I find myself having this conversation over and over again:

CoWorker: Hi.
Brett: Hi.
CoW: How are you doing?
Brett: I am fine, and you?
Cow: I am fine. Thank you.
Brett: It is cold today.
CoW: It is. I agree. I am wearing a sweater.
Brett: I am wearing a jacket.
CoW: There are 3 days until Friday.
Brett: Yes. Have a good day.
CoW: Thank you. You as well.


I will talk to you on another day. Thank you.

-Brett

Chicago's Hate

I watched the Bears game last night, and if you're in Chicago, you know that it is not a good time to be a Bears fan. However, the city is in a standoff of sorts with the coach (who is, by the way, one of the most respected coaches in the NFL). The downfall is on the shoulders of one man. "Wrecks" Grossman.

I understand Bears fans' frustration, because I have been a fan of a losing team for years at a time, too. What is not helpful is chastising one player into a fragile little shell that he'll never recover from. For this, the fans suck. I don't care if he is a professional athlete, no man can perform with sixty thousand fans screaming in unison for the backup QB and (miraculously) booing with the momentum of eighty thousand at the same time. He looked so tiny and lost.

On the other hand, Lovie's spite against the fans is only perpetuating the problem. He has stayed with Rex just to simply show that HE is the decision maker, and to protect Rex from the inevitable fate that the city's hate is justified. Now we have a cycle that is good for no one. Rex gets worse and so do the fans. We all know he should've been benched last year, but now, the more he plays and the more Lovie has to protect him, the harsher it's going to be to let him go. And by that time Rex's worth in the NFL is completely shot, even as a back up.

Some of this problem though is just a product of the Chicago sports scene. Brett told me about a Cub's game he went to where a fan was heartily booed for five minutes for bobbling a foul ball catch. This is a fan we're talking about here, not an outfielder.

So that's what sports are all about in this city? So juvenile that home fans are booing home fans?

They don't understand that this is going to ruin Rex's life. His confidence is so far gone that he'll never play football again after he is cut. And outside of the NFL, he will always be known as the worst QB in NFL history, or at least the worst to play that long.

I just feel really bad for the guy and it would be in the best interest of both parties if everyone just laid off the guy. The sound of those sneers will haunt him horribly for the rest of his life. Lest we forget, WE are not in the NFL because we are not good enough to play.

-Anthony

Ummm....

So, Anthony just told me that they have been giving stuff away at Starbucks all day.

...

Well, not all day, just between 11 and 2. huh, only three hours? What the fuck is that all about? Right?

And then they want to try to make up for their slight by donating all of the tips to the American Cancer Society?

Whatever, StarJerks. I know what you're all about.

-Brett



Whoops, I'm just out of the frame on the left...

T.G.I. TODAY!

So guess what happened today.

Guess.

Seriously.

Fuck off, just guess.

nope.

nope.

Close, but no.

Here, I'll give you a hint: Green Mermaid.

Ew, gross. No.

Alright, It starts with S and ends in RBUCKS.

Yep, that's right folks, the green lady herself moved in downstairs at our building today. Anthony has already dropped the best 4 bucks he's ever spent on a grande iced chai and I, well, I'm just pissed they haven't been giving free shit away all day. I'm holding out for my double shot Americana on the house or a sweet hoodie or something.

Sure, Intelligentsia makes the best coffee around, but I give you my $50 a week because I am too lazy to walk the 4 blocks to get the good stuff. Don't piss me off too much or I might try to stage a coup.

Come on, Starbucks, you're a corporate giant. You can foot the celebratory $3 on opening day to ensure my patronage. Don't be a prude.

Dick.

-Brett