And that's How the Word 'Brunch' came to be...

Once upon a time a man named Alex Schoenbaum sat down at a "very awkward time of the day for lunch". He had slept in till ten after a night of trouble-making and cruisin' and this lead to a tug of war between his belly and his natural eating cycle. He didn't know if he wanted the scrambles and honey dew, or burgers and taters, but the fact of the matter was that his belly was screaming for something "goooood".

"Whoa," he said in front of a bunch of his friends, "I'm really confused right now. I can't tell if I want breakfast or lunch." Well since all of his friends partook in the previous night's debauchery they were all on the same plane as far as their belly's confusion with their minds. They thought really hard for a while and ripped open a bag of little suckers. (Not the tiny Dum-Dums, but the god thick quarter-shaped kind) Two hours and a family sized bag of suckers later, Old Schoenbaum came to an obvious, but brilliant conclusion. "I don't give a shit what we call it, it's all grease and it's all gonna be shit by Monday night football time. Let's just call it brunch and get the fuck on with our lives."

Well. Get the fuck on with his life, he did. Essentially, he erected a buffet that that divided the Buffet soldiers from the Girly-girl Weah-weah babies. It stretched from its origin, Charleston West Virginia all the way to the outer edges of the Midwest. You could think of it as a metaphorical sister project to the Great Wall of China. Okay, well just say it was a pretty damn big buffet, and it was an overnight hotspot for after-church minglings.

One of his friends had the next brilliant idea. "Hey Schoeny, this is such a popular place to be, you should name it."

In classic Schoeny fashion, he replied, "That's it. We'll just call it Shoney's and get the fuck on with the blueprints for a legendary buffet."

320 current locations and millions of full bellies later, he leans back with a glass of Sangria in his navy blue hot tub and says ".......Brunch". (arrogant chuckle) "......Stupid motherfuckers".



Well, as former Sunday frequenter of this legendary buffet, I have one thing to say to Alex Schoenbaum and his army of bussers.

Thanks for all the pancakes and suckers. I love you.

-anthony

I need to get a job on the McCain campaign.

For all of the RNC's lavish spending on Palin in the past month, I just read that Palin's make-up lady was the highest paid person in the McCain campaign during the first two weeks of October. $22,800 for two weeks of make-up expertise.

And let's face it here. It's not like you're trying to make McCain look like George Clooney. This is Sarah Palin. I mean for all the psychoness and nobrainitude, she is at least passably attractive. $23,000 better get her looking like Mrs. America. But maybe she has an uphill battle to climb. Maybe if you remove all the make-up you get THIS.


Reagan's out there somewhere ya know, hanging out with Elvis, and Jimi, and Tupac. In some dive bar in Montana, just drinking and laughing with those guys. And Kurt Cobain is there playing darts. And Chris Farley is like the totally funny/big-brotherly bartender guy. But Reagan is definitely the ringleader. Keeping the guys focused for there eventual reemergence as the League of Six: Ultimate Fighting Force! At least that's how it is in Anthony and I's dreams.

Or maybe this. is little more plausible. Zombie Reagan '08!

SOMETHING OF THE DAY!

Now that we've covered fun party hats, today's topic is religulous.

FREAKY RELIGIOUS PROPOGANDA OF THE DAY!













REAL REAL REAL SOON!

This is the condensed version, but you get the point.

A few things to note:
- All "scientific facts" pulled straight from the Focus on the Family handbook.
- The title of this one was "That Crazy Guy" in reference to this swinging cat.
- Make sure to check out such other fun reading as Stairway to Hell, How to be a Successful Example of What Not to Do, and Please Come Into My ?$@#*, Lord Jesus.


Have a great weekend now. And don't forget Jesus will protect you from AIDS so go have a good time!

Asking the important questions:

Last night, I was talking to my wife about our landlord. Not a big fan of our landlord. So, I off-handedly mentioned something about strangling her (the landlord, not my wife).

My wife of course at that point calls me out on saying that I would strangle our landlord, because she is a woman. "I have never heard a man say he would strangle another man," she says. "You would say you would kick a man's ass, but a woman you would strangle." At first I was defensive, but she's right, and I told her so. Why perpetuate that kind of power myth and submission by violence? A woman should be one's equal. A woman should be on the same footing as a man and should from there be judged by her own merit.

So, of course, this begs the question, "What is the politically correct way to torture a woman?"

My wife didn't have a lot of answers to that one.

I will take suggestions in the comment section. I need to know by the time rent is due. Thanks.

-Brett

Brett Doesn't Wear Underwear Much

(See Brett's question 2 posts below)

Yesterday was definitely a good day as far as our friendship goes, but I was/am sick. You think I have time in between self pity and watching my back in times of desperate economic turmoil to worry about your fly?

And on top of that, you don't wear underwear. That means that your supremely sensitive balls should have picked up on the extra air flow and told your brain to tell your grimy fingers to take care of it yourself.

Where oh where does personal responsibility fit into today's cut throat friendships?

-Anthony

SOMETHING OF THE DAY!

Regular bloggers are the best. You can tell they have drive and purpose and they really believe that people are hanging on their every word. Which of course they are. Which is to say I are.

While I might not blog daily [or even weekly or monthly], I do refresh my browser about every 30-40 seconds in case something new happens on the internet, hanging on every word so as not to miss anything. I would so hate to be the 2nd or 3rd person to see that delicious new morsel of hilarity that my obscure friend posted on his/her even obscurer blog. If I don't read that NYTimes article or see the newest viral video on YouTube within minutes of it's posting, I'm frankly not terribly interested.

Last I checked sloppy seconds was a bad thing.

In an effort to engage our readers and put our mark on our tiny little-trod corner of the intersphere, I present to you:

SOMETHING OF THE DAY!

Damn. Wish that could have been a little more impressive.

Anyway, some people have Quotes of the day or pictures of the day or news quizzes or whatever. We're going to focus on that last category. The whatever part.

So without further ado, here is

SOMETHING OF THE DAY!



It's a guy with a chili pepper for a hat! Oh man, what will the internet think of next.

Tune in again tomorrow for another harrowing installment.


-Brett

I won't say I'm feeling betrayed, but...

So, we were hanging out, ya know, working all day yesterday, and we were getting on well. I won't say it was Earth shattering, but definitely pleasant and I felt like our friendship was stronger for it. You laughed at my jokes, I engaged your arguments, we ate some chips and dip. Good stuff.


So here's the question, Anthony:

When were you planning on letting me know my fly had been unzipped the whole time?









From your silence, I'm going to guess never. And here I thought I was beginning to know you.



-Brett