Friday, September 21, 2007

Ummm....

So, Anthony just told me that they have been giving stuff away at Starbucks all day.

...

Well, not all day, just between 11 and 2. huh, only three hours? What the fuck is that all about? Right?

And then they want to try to make up for their slight by donating all of the tips to the American Cancer Society?

Whatever, StarJerks. I know what you're all about.

-Brett



Whoops, I'm just out of the frame on the left...

T.G.I. TODAY!

So guess what happened today.

Guess.

Seriously.

Fuck off, just guess.

nope.

nope.

Close, but no.

Here, I'll give you a hint: Green Mermaid.

Ew, gross. No.

Alright, It starts with S and ends in RBUCKS.

Yep, that's right folks, the green lady herself moved in downstairs at our building today. Anthony has already dropped the best 4 bucks he's ever spent on a grande iced chai and I, well, I'm just pissed they haven't been giving free shit away all day. I'm holding out for my double shot Americana on the house or a sweet hoodie or something.

Sure, Intelligentsia makes the best coffee around, but I give you my $50 a week because I am too lazy to walk the 4 blocks to get the good stuff. Don't piss me off too much or I might try to stage a coup.

Come on, Starbucks, you're a corporate giant. You can foot the celebratory $3 on opening day to ensure my patronage. Don't be a prude.

Dick.

-Brett

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Holy Wars and Miniskirts

The news screen in the elevator told me today that Bin Laden is calling for Pakistan to start the Holy War by overthrowing there current leader Pervez Musharraf. Okay, Pervez is not complying with the immediate needs of the Pakistani people. Get him out of there, agreed. But do we need to call it a Holy War? Everything is Holy War worthy these days and frankly, Mr. Laden I think that you are working against yourself here. If you really want to start a Holy War, you should wait and spread the word secretly so that it is a huge surprise when the fury of Islamic prayers is thrust upon us all at once we will all collectively think, "Holy crap! It's the Holy War!"

Likewise, miniskirts are getting so short these days (Thought Brett never seems to notice). The shorter they get, the more we see. And obviously, I (and most other men)am attracted to nice legs and tight buns. It's purely sexual, and I get the feeling that's what they want, fine. However, when I know that short skirt-wearers don't care that during the course of a day, several men WILL see your undies (or lack thereof), it diminishes sexual suspense. And thus, the next time I see a woman in the bare, I'm thinking, "Oh, I saw one of those on the train this morning", instead of "Holy crap! It's the Apex of womanhood!"

-So Mr. Laden, quit being a drama queen.
-Ladies, you're ruining sex.

And also...Brett thinks that he's a better speller than 'spellcheck' and has been challenging the computer lately.

-Anthony