Answer to Brett's Question (see below)

Imagine Mike Tyson in prison for 4 years. He had the mentality that he was going to be in there for 20 years. Then because of his uncanny abilities to knock people out with one punch, he was released. He was in his sexual prime at that time. 17-20? yrs old, entering the real world again with a ton of hype. His world flipped comepletely as he was praised for his rage instead of punished. Now let's imagine you are the girl he wants to date. He hasn't touched, smelled, licked or bit anything feminine for FOUR years. YOU are his girlfriend.

-Anthony

Compliments to our server at The Duke of Perth

Instead of bitching about service this day, i am going to take the time to compliment Mark and I's server at the Duke of Perth. What a nice guy. He was there to do his job, be nice and get us in and out of there if we wanted it to be a short dinner. We did.

He was the type of guy that I would want me sister to run into. There was no artificial happiness or chatting for a tip, no trying to talk us into anything, and no problems when we asked for anything. Just a pleasant experience. He deserved a good tip and he got one. For being real. Mark and i discussed how hard it is, these days, to find a "real" male server.

SO we decided to wait for him after the dinner and try to get him to go home with us to have a one on one on one party. Just grab some wine, turn on the Comcast music channel for 80's hits or Partytime hits, and dance it out. Nothing sexual just some good old fashioned dancing and staring and pushing and cocaine, and then throw a pistol into the mix with the door of the bathroom locked as Mark is contemplating the worth of humanity in the mirror.

Unfortunately the server declined, even though we waited for six hours outside of the restaurant. He's still a good guy.

Gambling

Sometimes I feel like attempting comedy for a living is a little like going to Vegas.  You give yourself an allotted amount of money/time to get something big or at least a consistent paying gig, then if it runs out before the deadline, you should quit and go home.  Cause bad, bad things can happen if you don't watch your step.  

I'm not saying that I have any sort of will power or lack of an ego that would let me quit, it's just a thought that comes through the old brain.

One thing I will never understand

Why.! In.! The.! shitwhole world do cashiers at restaurants HAVE to know what you want right now? When clearly I am standing there looking up at the menu and dramatically squinting my eyes just to communicate "I'm nowhere NEAR ready to order!"!!!!!

I was at a restaurant (doesn't matter which one, cause they all do it) that I had never been to before, there were two people in front of me that had already ordered, one person behind me. I could feel the cashier wanting to get my order, but I had just gotten there.

"What can I get you, sir?", half a second goes by, "SIR, can I get you something?" I squint as hard as I can to further communicate that I am not ready. Two seconds go by, I reply "...ummm,can I have a second please?" She addresses the person behind me, "Sir! He ain't ready you can step up and order." The guy behind me says nothing. She sighs. She looks at her fingernails, then turns around to talk to anyone she can find to show that she does not care about us any longer.

I say, I'll have the Mr. Sub please." She looks out the window at whatever and pretends to be so enthralled that she spaced out on my order, so i leaned over the counter to bust her on the fact that she wasn't looking at anything. She wasn't. Then when she turns her head back, our heads were really close, and she didn't flinch. We've been doin' each other ever since.

Anthony