Growing up...

I just watched the first twenty minutes of the movie "Kiss kiss Bang Bang". I bought this movie over Christmas. I had seen it Twice. TWICE within the past year and a half. I liked it a lot. Enough to buy it obviously. I thought that Robert Downey Jr. did a great job along with Val Kilmer and the plot was clever enough to more than keep me interested.

Tonight, Downey made me want to throw him into a burning house. Every other line was a cheesy, predictable anecdote, and he talks so fast that he manages to get three times the amount of them in there without my hate properly catching up and prompting me to kick the TV in.

My question: Why the change of heart? How could my perspective have changed this dramatically in a year? The movie sucked. Am I maturing (with a hard "T")? Or am I becoming more judgmental?

I am maturing.

What's your favorite form of torture?

I was just looking up torture on the Wik, and Jesus, thank god for modern civilities.

Regardless, choose one and just sit back and imagine. But not too hard, uuugh.

Start with this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sawing

Anthony

Dammit!

Every time I go around the corner to the bathroom there is this hot day lady that works in the other office that always, seems to be going to the restroom when I am. Therefore we pass each other at least once a day.

This is all well and good, except for the fact that I'm really into this book I'm reading right now and i take it in with me every time I have to "go" go. And today she saw me carrying my book in twice. What luck! I'm screwed because now she knows that I take poops.

Anthony

Terrible Restaurant Crews

Chicago Ale House is officially the worst of the worst restaurant crews that I have ever encountered. Now, I am an ex-bartender. I did it for four years, and I have accrued a definite amount of sympathy for when things go wrong. It just happens and I am never one to act like it is enough to ruin my day when there is a mishap, or three (Because I also realize that mistakes come in bundles once the server is shaken).

BUT, this was ridiculous: Mark and I eat a meal and watch a few games. The place has four patrons and our chicken sandwiches took twenty-five minutes to make. The best part of this shortcoming was that the kitchen is entirely visible from where we were sitting. The cooks just joked around and laughed and jammed out to Modest Mouse knowing we were staring at them.

After the meal We wanted to have an Irish Coffee, so the overly concerned (but lazy) Bartendress makes a couple of Irish coffees for us. She hands them over, I take one sip and the coffee is just cold. COLD.

Me- Um, I'm sorry to be like this, but this coffee is cold.

Barkeep- Oh no, actually I'll bet it's just the Bailey's. Because it's a dairy product, we have to keep it in the fridge. I'm sure it's what made the coffee cold.

Me- Right, but it is really cold. Like not even warm, as if the coffee has been sitting out all night.

Barkeep- Ya know, sometimes I like my Irish coffee to be cold, kinda like a Iced coffee. Like from Starbucks, it can be tasty. But I'll top you off here to warm it up.

(She pours a more into it, and it is still cold)

Me- It's still cold.

Barkeep- There has got to be something wrong here, because I know that coffee was just brewed. It doesn't make sense.

Me- Right, but I just wouldn't mind a hot Irish Coffee right now.

Barkeep- Well I can check the pot, but I'm sure it's just the Bailey's, because we JUST brewed that.

(she goes to the beverage prep area, which is ten feet away and we can hear everything going on. She comes back after talking to the other server about the coffee being cold and the other girl swears the coffee was freshly brewed)

Barkeep- You know what? That pot just was actually cold. I'm sorry, I can brew another pot if you really want it to be warmer.

Me- Yes. I would LOVE for my coffee to be warmer.

BArkeep- Okay, but.....(trails off as she begrudgingly goes to brew another pot)

(It is now when the owner comes in to the picture. He is a nice and friendly Asian guy. He goes over to the other server who explains what is going on. The Bartendress comes back out with another pot of coffee and pours more into our cups. The owner yells over our shoulders at her.)

Owner- (at her) MAKE THEM A NEW DRINK! DOn't just pour more coffee in their cups, (to us) Hi, my name is TOmmy, and I'd like to thank you guys for coming in today. You like the basketball huh? We have many TV's for watch Basketball madness....

Barkeep- (at Tommy) There is no point in making new drinks, because the coffee machine has to be broken. TOmmy, let me handle this. (TO us) Sorry, but the coffee machine is broken guys, do you want to drink these like they are or can I get you something else?

(TOmmy, goes to the coffee machine and yells for her to come back there and talk to him. Mark and I look at each other in frustration and hold tight for the end of a couple of games)

(They argue in the back, we can hear everything, and it turns out that the coffee machine was never turned on. She returns after getting reamed for the stupid move)

Barkeep- Turns out the coffee machine is broken.

(Tommy comes up behind us)

TOmmy- She's new and she is afraid to admit she never turned it on. Thanks for coming, these are good basketball games huh?

Me- (to Barkeep) Right, could you just throw the coffees into the microwave and heat them up for a minute or so?

Barkeep- I don't know if that'll work.

Tommy- No! I fixed the problem with the coffee! There will be a new pot ready in a few minutes we will make you new cups.

MArk- (First words) Jesus Christ, I don't care about the details.

I lose it. I went from zero to tears in one split second and don't stop laughing for ten minutes. It may not seem that funny, but it was perfectly delivered and timed. Simply perfect. She comes back to thank us for letting her know that the coffee was cold so she didn't serve cold coffee all day, then continues to explain what happened with the machine in such a way that is "not her fault". Mark leaves me with this gem.

MArk- We have to make the decision now to never come back here again, or to be instant regulars and drink our lives to waste in this nonsense.

I'll give them another chance. I have a feeling that barkeep isn't going to last long.

-Anthony

My Point...

The observation that compelled me to write the post below was just simply that Clinton does not speak for herself at all in those campaign commercials, and it is all negative. The one positive commercial up there was of some dead actress that was supposedly her friend and endorses her.

Obama just simply puts his own speeches up, in full or in short. I get chills when the man speaks. He is from a different sect and I am actually scared for the man, in that I could see him ruffling the feathers of some important people out of CONVICTION rather than POLITIKIN'. He is the future. I love him. It is indeed time for change. And if he is all talk, I am willing, based off his words, to take a chance on him. It can't get much worse than where we're headed (save a large-scale attack).

-Anthony

Fooled!

Damn you Flu! You've been irritating me for two weeks now and I can't seem to get rid of you! Yesterday morning I woke at 430am up feeling like ill-placed acupuncture needles were all over my body. I took a shower, and the water hurt my body. I called in guilt-free and slept till noon. Got up feeling like shit. I downloaded a ton of great music after browsing eMusic for three hours (check out Deerhoof and thank me later.) So anywho, my mind strength and abilities to reason were growing thin and I subconsciously began to drift toward the window, but convinced my self to sleep more and chug some water.

My roommie Mark comes home and immediately goes out and gets me some Theraflu. What a sweet heart! Well, like an idiot, I forgot to take it because we got too deep into an exchange of bits and the night flew by. I go to rehearsal for my Improv team COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE LOVER and just watch.

I get a ride home, watch two fascinating documentaries about autism, go to bed, sleep for a few hours then wake up again at 230am. I try till 4am to sleep. I give up go to the computer to write a little, take the Theraflu and immediately break into a sweat like the fever is breaking! I'm pumped, I feel like a million bucks. However, I took pain killers with the Theraflu, and I think that was the curing factor. They wore off, and I am at work right now trying not to walk through the windows...

Screw you Flu.

-Anthony (sorry for whining)

I had the scariest dream.

I was in my house childhood home and I was doing a load of laundry, when this overwhelming feeling of anger and sadness took over my body.  It was the worst feeling that I have ever had in my entire life.  I said to myself out loud, "Oh God those chumps down the street murdered your sister!"

So I ran to the cabinet under the sink and got my gun, which I guess is where I would keep it if I had ever owned one.  

I ran down to the "Chumps" house (who I remembered vaguely as being some trouble makers I knew once upon a time).  I busted through the door, and saw that they were having a medium sized party.  There was a keg and about ten people standing around that failed to notice the sweaty ball of desperate rage that just rifled through their house.  I broke through the first door to the left and began shooting a guy in his bed screaming my sister's name.  I moved on quickly, to the kitchen where most of the party was hanging out and fired a few shots into the crowd, and scared myself, because of the look of terror on everyone's face.  It totally shocked me so I continued on through the house to seek out some answers and for some reason I knew that I could get them in the back room of the house.

I went in the room and it was my best friend laying on a bed asleep with a baby on his shoulder.  I freaked out because I had not known that he had had a baby.  Quietly I creeped up to him and put a gun to his head, and spoke in a normal tone "Why the fuck did you guys kill my sister?"

By this time, the other people at the party had caught up to me in the room and they had plenty of guns themselves.  They were screaming at me, my best friend was staring at me, I was screaming at him, it was complete chaos so I did what most people do in the movies when they have a gun and everyone is screaming.  I fired two rounds in the air and everyone shut up.  I realized that I only had one bullet left, so in front of a bunch of paranoid, pissed off gun bearing partiers, i said "Fuck, I only have one bullet left...Stupid!  Stupid to say that now!"

The other gunners realized their advantage and started to close in on me and I screamed "Why the fuck did you guys kill my sister?"  My best friend replied "We didn't kill your sister.  It was a joke.  Calm down.  You're in a lot of trouble."

This was too much for me to handle.  I thought for a moment.  I was still confused and desperate, so I sprinted for the window and dove out of it unscathed even though the gunners were shooting for me.  I flew gracefully into a dive roll and got up quickly.  There in front of me was a bike that my sister had gotten for me earlier in my life.  So I hopped on and rode as fast as I could.  I rode until I was sure that I had made enough turns and gone so fast that they would not be able to find me tonight.  

So, naturally I came up on a ghetto basketball pick-up game.  I got off my bike, picked up the losers and played the game of my life.  As we were finishing up and I was drying the sweat off my body, the gunners from the party caught up with me.  They got really close to me and they all had these disgusting smiles on their faces.  I asked why they were smiling and they told me that it was the best joke in the world and that I was going away for a long time.  I flipped out and tried to hit everyone in my face.

This short blond haired young guy put a gun to my face and instead of resorting to fear, I became overwhelmed with the guilty memory of having shot up their party.  I asked politely, the guy in front of me, "Did I kill anyone?"  

He answered with a giggle, "Yeah man, you killed my twin brother and you're going away for a long time."  His giggle increased.  The rest of the guys followed suit and laughed at me.  I siezed this moment and smacked the gun out of his hand and ran to my bike.  

I got on and started to ride away, the guys remembered and chased after yelling.

It was then that I had the epiphany and spoke out loud to myself.  "If you run now, you'll never stop runnin'."

The guys were close enough to hear me say it and buckled at the knees with laughter.  I was humiliated and defeated.  It took my breath away and then I woke up.

What does that mean guys?

-Anthony