The holidays are among us! I always look forward to the veil of comfy red that underscores America in early December. There is a bit of a change in pace (everything speeds up), and I always talk to my family more. All of these things are total positives, and these alone are enough to make the "season" worth having.
However! The greedy hands of American marketing have certainly rubbed their sweaty palms all over the original intentions of the spirit.
I could rant about thousands of increases in advertising to sell any given product, but I am writing today to rant about Jewelry commercials. They suck. Not only are they the most frequent commercials to invade my TV watching experiences, they are also the worst.
1. They act like the only real way to love your wife is to buy them diamonds. They make women out to be greedy little gnomes that are bitter and insatiable until the moment a diamond is in the room. "Love" is rediscovered as soon as she finds out he spent money on overpriced diamonds for her.
2. The kisses. I can't stand to see people kissing passionately on TV. They kiss so romantically and slow, I can almost hear the strangers and their lips clinging for way too long. I must admit that this qualm of mine was discovered during movies where you can actually hear the mess going on between the actors. It's just so fake to me.
3. The slogans and lines:
- "Every kiss begins with Kay." - Really? Do you realize what you're saying? Every kiss? Every kiss in the world? Would you really even want that to be the truth? Imagine that. The only time anyone kisses is when they receive something from Kay Jewelers. Sooo pompous and overstated.
- "He went to Jared!?!?!?" - The next is the one where a boyfriend is coming up to a house and the completely red sweatered family sees him with a Jared box. They all start relaying to each other "He went to Jared!" "He went to Jared?" "Yep, he went to Jared." The daughter comes down as the whole extended (as if grandma hangs there daily) family is "Hiding" on the stairs to watch their little girl become initiated into the world of material dependency.
- "A Diamond is Forever" - Nope. Not at all. I've seen girls lose them. They don't care THAT much. They just go get it replaced. DeBeers? More like DaQueers. (no offense) <
...And also, I hate John Mellencamp. So sue me.
-Anthony
PS - and apparently, this has something to do with diamonds. hmmm...
- Brett
7 comments:
I, too, hate Mellencamp.
Every kiss I have ever had has begun with Kay. A little something like this:
"Hey lady, can I kiss you?"
"'kay."
(rim shot)
what makes the ads more appalling, that you didn't get a chance to mention:
1. they haven't come up with anything new to say. these are the same ads I saw a year ago. c'mon you guys, you're a huge multinational, incredibly evil corporation that literally buys and sells peoples souls. you can't afford to hire a marketing team for a month? If you're going to deliver a message of greed for an arbitrary piece of stone in the name of attaining happiness, you should at least make it original.
2. This sets an unspoken but dangerous precedent about sex that young men and women are being brainwashed into accepting. What the whole family in the ad is really saying is: "Oh boy, you know she's going to have to let him stick it in the brown starfish tonight!" grandma especially. But it works both ways. It says to all guys: "go ahead and garnish your wages for a year to buy this collection of particles that happened to form with other particles in such a way to be shiny, and she WILL ride that."
3. Diamond sellers are butchers, and anyone telling you otherwise is probably trying to sell you a diamond. fuck'em.
and fuck John Cougar, too.
hahahaha. And by the way, Paper and Fire is a GREAT song.
but yeah, this was fantastic.
I always thought the every Kiss begins with Kay line really was becuse the word Kiss always begins with the letter K. Did I over or under think this? Am I the only one?
Please note, the above logic in no way negates the retardedness of the slogan. If it sounds like I am defending the blood thirsty diamond mongers, I have misrepresented myself. I only defend their pretty, pretty sparklies.
i can't believe you don't like the 'Coug. sigh.
i think the kay slogan means both things... the letter k, and that giving your special ladyfriend jewelry from kay will entice her to kiss you. either way, the commercials suck.
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