Holy shit! How come I've never heard of this before?
and I quote: "A Turducken is a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken." As if that weren't enough they get sausage involved: "The cavity of the chicken and the rest of the gaps are filled with, at the very least, a highly seasoned breadcrumb mixture or sausage meat."
I'm speechless.
It's like the first time you see a rabid unicorn fighting a robotic dolphin.
Just breathtaking.
-Brett
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
In which, we find our hero, discovering his inner child...
There are very few things in this world that make me giddy. I usually greet Friday's with ambivalence, ice cream with malaise, and Christmas morning with a shrug. I once fell asleep on a roller coaster.
That's not to say I am a total curmudgeon. The short list of things that make me happy enough to punch a nun goes something like this:
1. Eating - The more the better. I am into decadence.
2. Drinking - ummm, drinking.
3. Seeing my family - If I haven't seen my wife and son in a few days, let's just say, you probably want to keep your distance.
4. Flying on planes - I have been known to be so excited for a plane trip that I will get to the exit in time to watch two or three flights go out before mine.
5. Days off of work - this one pretty much speaks for itself.
In the next 24 hours all five of these things will be happening in spades.
Yay, Thanksgiving!
Just remember, if you feel like there is nothing to be thankful for, you always have one thing: the fact that you live in a country where it is not only normal, but encouraged to spend a random Thursday bumming around in your underwear, being entirely unproductive, engorging yourself with the fattiest foods you can find, watching football and drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol. If that doesn't make you tear up with pride for being an American, well, I might just water-board you myself.
I hope everyone (all 1 of you who read this) has a great holiday, whether with family or not.
-Brett
That's not to say I am a total curmudgeon. The short list of things that make me happy enough to punch a nun goes something like this:
1. Eating - The more the better. I am into decadence.
2. Drinking - ummm, drinking.
3. Seeing my family - If I haven't seen my wife and son in a few days, let's just say, you probably want to keep your distance.
4. Flying on planes - I have been known to be so excited for a plane trip that I will get to the exit in time to watch two or three flights go out before mine.
5. Days off of work - this one pretty much speaks for itself.
In the next 24 hours all five of these things will be happening in spades.
Yay, Thanksgiving!
Just remember, if you feel like there is nothing to be thankful for, you always have one thing: the fact that you live in a country where it is not only normal, but encouraged to spend a random Thursday bumming around in your underwear, being entirely unproductive, engorging yourself with the fattiest foods you can find, watching football and drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol. If that doesn't make you tear up with pride for being an American, well, I might just water-board you myself.
I hope everyone (all 1 of you who read this) has a great holiday, whether with family or not.
-Brett
Friday, November 16, 2007
First of All......
I don't like Brett's tone when he forces his opinions of fruit on me (Flav-O-Splosions). I love the term, it's cute and endearing, but we must remember that it is still an opinion.
I simply don't like the consistency of raspberries. They're seedy and they linger in your mouth all day. I explained that, and it's just not worth it. But he acts like my opinion is wrong, replying "Nope. You just can't handle these splosions", at every turn of my explanation. Things are just not that black and white.
I'm happy that he's happy (if only for the short duration of half a breakfast). But let me enjoy my Yogranana Revolution okay?
I think I'm gonna break a plate right in front of him and walk away from it.
I'll let you know how it goes.
-Anthony
I simply don't like the consistency of raspberries. They're seedy and they linger in your mouth all day. I explained that, and it's just not worth it. But he acts like my opinion is wrong, replying "Nope. You just can't handle these splosions", at every turn of my explanation. Things are just not that black and white.
I'm happy that he's happy (if only for the short duration of half a breakfast). But let me enjoy my Yogranana Revolution okay?
I think I'm gonna break a plate right in front of him and walk away from it.
I'll let you know how it goes.
-Anthony
It seems only natural....
I decided this morning at breakfast that I am going to just cut the crap, and start calling raspberries "Flav-O-Splosions". I mean, it seem like a natural step.
Of course, when I asked Anthony if he was going to eat his Flav-O-Splosions, or if I could have them, he just stared blankly at me.
Dumbly even.
Turns out Anton Elliboy don't like Flav-O-Splosions. I mean, at that point, one has to ask themselves...Is it the Flav or the Splosion that's bogging you down here? I found out soon thereafter, that he his also allergic to sunshine and puppies.
Sounds about right.
-Brett
Of course, when I asked Anthony if he was going to eat his Flav-O-Splosions, or if I could have them, he just stared blankly at me.
Dumbly even.
Turns out Anton Elliboy don't like Flav-O-Splosions. I mean, at that point, one has to ask themselves...Is it the Flav or the Splosion that's bogging you down here? I found out soon thereafter, that he his also allergic to sunshine and puppies.
Sounds about right.
-Brett
To The Dungeon With the Gum Chewer!
Two nights ago I was on my way to the coast (Lake Shore Drive) to visit a friend and she lives right off Addison at Lake Shore. I normally have no reason to take the Addison bus that far east so I was unfamiliar with the route and the stops, turnaround, etc.
So I get on the bus and it is packed. However, there is a seat open all the way up front closest to driver and that is perfect for me because I like to chat with the drivers sometimes, and considering I was unclear as to the route's stops, it was convenient.
Happiness ensues. Time to pull out my book and chuckle as I read the swift word massages of Gunter Grass and his Nobel prize winning novel, The Tin Drum. Things were good. It just feels right to read on the bus or train. This city's charm goes whistling by out the window and the bus reeks of random people and there lifestyles (Some much better than others of course).
We pull further away from my stop without stopping at two corners, which kinda disappointed me because I was feeling so metro educational (reading a book), and I didn't want it to end so quickly. Then, we stop at the next light, Lincoln/Ashland and a mother with her kid get up to leave. Evidently she was putting his coat on or something and sort of forgot to look where they were. The point is she got up and started make her way very urgently to the front, obviously trying to catch this stop and the driver started pulling away anyway. A second later when the lady had to ask the lady driver to stop, she stopped very suddenly with about ten feet of the bus in the intersection and made a huge scene.
Still grateful, the mother thanked the driver for stopping, even though the driver totally saw her coming to the front. While the two got off the bus, the driver popped her gum rapidly, slowly turned her head to her window, and said "You NEEEED to look where you goin' cause I ain't driv............(then the words just mumbled off into some karmic hell where wasted negative energy goes to be bottled up and manifest itself in the form of an abusive boyfriend somewhere).
I hadn't given up on the driver though. Like always you have to think to yourself "Maybe something terrible happened and she has no way of dealing with it right now."
Then we get up to Southport and 6-8 people get up to get off. They almost all look her way or say thank you, and she responds popping that damned gum of hers louder! It sounded like a machine gun sniping good vibes clean out of the air. It was killing me.
We pass Clark, people get off, but know by this point not to talk to her. We pass Halsted, same thing. By this point all but one person was off the bus and she had managed to inject just a drop of malice into every soul that came into contact with her. AND I STILL WANTED TO BE NICE!
As we approached Broadway, the last man got off the bus and I didn't see a bus stop between there and Lake Shore so I asked her if there was a stop before Lake Shore.
"I go to laggle wazzle Johnny Raggle.......(she turns torward the window popping that goddamned gum letting her answer trail off and give me absolutely nothing) She speeds up the bus, heading to Lake Shore. I ask again if there is a stop before Lake Shore. "BBDDDDDDD POP, POP, POP", Nothing. I'm done being nice.
We pass the stop that I obviously wanted and turn on to Lake Shore. It's only me and her at this point, so I decided I would stand as close to her as I could and pull the rope three times at the first Lake Shore stop. I do so proudly and loudly. It doesn't even break the skin of that salty exoskeleton of hers! She just Pops and slows to stop.
Me face gets red, I get shaky and nervous because I have to think of something to combat this negativity and teach her a lesson. "You're a writer and comedian Anthony, twist this into something she'll never forget." "Wait, no, don't think about thinking of something, go with what you feel, this isn't a stage." "But you do have the upper hand, cause you think on the spot all the time." (I bus is stopped and I am getting off) "It's too late to think Anthony, just say something shitty and take a pound of flesh......"
I accept that it is just going to have to be a very sarcastic "I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY." But by this time I am already off the bus, walking to the curb, so I half turn to drown her in kindness, my foot doesn't clear the curb and I fall all the way down to my hands and an old lady at the stop comes to my attention concerned. There I am being aided by the elderly in front of my sworn enemy. I felt so weak.
It was enough to hold the bus up for just a second, but that damned gum chewer saw everything. I couldn't even look at her. I may have even forgot to thank the old lady in my anger. O.K. I did forget.
The Gum Chewer won.
-Anthony
So I get on the bus and it is packed. However, there is a seat open all the way up front closest to driver and that is perfect for me because I like to chat with the drivers sometimes, and considering I was unclear as to the route's stops, it was convenient.
Happiness ensues. Time to pull out my book and chuckle as I read the swift word massages of Gunter Grass and his Nobel prize winning novel, The Tin Drum. Things were good. It just feels right to read on the bus or train. This city's charm goes whistling by out the window and the bus reeks of random people and there lifestyles (Some much better than others of course).
We pull further away from my stop without stopping at two corners, which kinda disappointed me because I was feeling so metro educational (reading a book), and I didn't want it to end so quickly. Then, we stop at the next light, Lincoln/Ashland and a mother with her kid get up to leave. Evidently she was putting his coat on or something and sort of forgot to look where they were. The point is she got up and started make her way very urgently to the front, obviously trying to catch this stop and the driver started pulling away anyway. A second later when the lady had to ask the lady driver to stop, she stopped very suddenly with about ten feet of the bus in the intersection and made a huge scene.
Still grateful, the mother thanked the driver for stopping, even though the driver totally saw her coming to the front. While the two got off the bus, the driver popped her gum rapidly, slowly turned her head to her window, and said "You NEEEED to look where you goin' cause I ain't driv............(then the words just mumbled off into some karmic hell where wasted negative energy goes to be bottled up and manifest itself in the form of an abusive boyfriend somewhere).
I hadn't given up on the driver though. Like always you have to think to yourself "Maybe something terrible happened and she has no way of dealing with it right now."
Then we get up to Southport and 6-8 people get up to get off. They almost all look her way or say thank you, and she responds popping that damned gum of hers louder! It sounded like a machine gun sniping good vibes clean out of the air. It was killing me.
We pass Clark, people get off, but know by this point not to talk to her. We pass Halsted, same thing. By this point all but one person was off the bus and she had managed to inject just a drop of malice into every soul that came into contact with her. AND I STILL WANTED TO BE NICE!
As we approached Broadway, the last man got off the bus and I didn't see a bus stop between there and Lake Shore so I asked her if there was a stop before Lake Shore.
"I go to laggle wazzle Johnny Raggle.......(she turns torward the window popping that goddamned gum letting her answer trail off and give me absolutely nothing) She speeds up the bus, heading to Lake Shore. I ask again if there is a stop before Lake Shore. "BBDDDDDDD POP, POP, POP", Nothing. I'm done being nice.
We pass the stop that I obviously wanted and turn on to Lake Shore. It's only me and her at this point, so I decided I would stand as close to her as I could and pull the rope three times at the first Lake Shore stop. I do so proudly and loudly. It doesn't even break the skin of that salty exoskeleton of hers! She just Pops and slows to stop.
Me face gets red, I get shaky and nervous because I have to think of something to combat this negativity and teach her a lesson. "You're a writer and comedian Anthony, twist this into something she'll never forget." "Wait, no, don't think about thinking of something, go with what you feel, this isn't a stage." "But you do have the upper hand, cause you think on the spot all the time." (I bus is stopped and I am getting off) "It's too late to think Anthony, just say something shitty and take a pound of flesh......"
I accept that it is just going to have to be a very sarcastic "I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY." But by this time I am already off the bus, walking to the curb, so I half turn to drown her in kindness, my foot doesn't clear the curb and I fall all the way down to my hands and an old lady at the stop comes to my attention concerned. There I am being aided by the elderly in front of my sworn enemy. I felt so weak.
It was enough to hold the bus up for just a second, but that damned gum chewer saw everything. I couldn't even look at her. I may have even forgot to thank the old lady in my anger. O.K. I did forget.
The Gum Chewer won.
-Anthony
Monday, November 5, 2007
Punk is not a fashion choice....
Three things I would like to tell the three kids sitting across from me on the train tonight:
1. A skateboard is not an accessory.
2. It is a common fact that, there is a direct correlation between the number of facial piercings and the degree to which the yuppies on the train think you are just cute as a button.
3. DING DING DING! CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 10,000th girl in Chicago to highlight your hair in bright pink.
Other than that, ya know, keep rockin'.
-Brett
1. A skateboard is not an accessory.
2. It is a common fact that, there is a direct correlation between the number of facial piercings and the degree to which the yuppies on the train think you are just cute as a button.
3. DING DING DING! CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 10,000th girl in Chicago to highlight your hair in bright pink.
Other than that, ya know, keep rockin'.
-Brett
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